Modernized Yami's
by JewelValentine
Summary: If we separate the Yami's from their Hikari's....what happens when we give them all sorts of modern conveniences to play with?
1. The Chainsaw

Jewel: Hahahahahaha!!! Me? Own Yugioh?? Yeah RIGHT!!! So.here goes!  
  
Lashana the Drunken Pixie (After this known as Lashana, too long to type.): In other words Takaehiko9683 has been on her case for a week to write something, so she decided that she'd better before Takaehiko9683 found leftover fireworks or something.  
  
Jewel: Exactly. So anyways, for this ficcy, we (namely me, Lashana, and the mortal members of the Yugioh gang) decided we REALLY needed to teach the Yami's to operate something more technologically advanced than an electric toothbrush.  
  
Bakura: But those things are SCARY!!!  
  
Jewel: Do ya see what I mean? Good. So we also decided the most entertaining way to accomplish this was to lock them all in a room and let them 'experiment' with the different devices.  
  
Malik: Do we get to play with the fireworks?  
  
Jewel: No. Oh, BTW, we also brought back Priest Seto because he's just too cool to leave out. And I thought it'd be funny to bring him back..so let the confusion begin!!  
  
Yami Bakura - Bakura  
  
Yami Malik - Malik  
  
Yami Yugi - Yami  
  
Priest Seto - Seth  
  
Seto - Seto  
  
Bakura - Ryou  
  
Malik - Marik  
  
Yugi - Yugi  
  
Have we all got that? Good! Let the story begin!!  
  
Chappie 1. The Chainsaw. *Jewel, Crissy, Daine and Nat are sitting rather comfortably on pouf chairs as the scenery around them constantly changes from palaces to forests to beaches to clouds to dungeons to the set of The View (do not own) to many, many other gorgeous places.*  
  
Daine: Well that's getting rather boring.  
  
Jewel: Rrrghh..fine. We'll bring the Yugioh cast in and finally modernize the Yami's like we promised to. *Snaps fingers*  
  
*Yugi, Marik, Ryou, Seto, Yami, Malik, Bakura and Seth all fall from a hole in the clouds, landing in a worshipping position before the girls' feet.*  
  
Crissy: Well that worked out well.  
  
Jewel: OK, you guys KNOW why you're here, right?  
  
Yami: Actually, no. Why are we here?  
  
Seth: Why is the pharaoh not dead?  
  
Yami: *Looks around* YOU BLOODY TRAITOR!!! *Yami and Seth attack each other*  
  
Nat: Why is he developing a British accent?  
  
Seto: Why are there two of me?  
  
Daine: Why are we asking so many questions?  
  
Crissy: *Begins playing with a fireball in her hands* Ooohh..pretty fire!  
  
*Everyone looks at her oddly*  
  
Crissy: What? You said to stop asking questions!  
  
Jewel: *Stops staring at the 'Pretty Fire'* ANYWAY! You are here to learn how to be more..technologically advanced *Mumbles* and to give us a certain amount of entertainment...  
  
Seth: Ok, so could someone please explain why I can understand this language I should not know the name of but do, why I'm not back near my pyramid, and who the heck all of you are?  
  
Nat: No.  
  
Yugi: HI! I'm from the future!  
  
Seth: *Backs away slowly* You look just like him! *Points at Yami*  
  
Yugi: *Points at Seto* You look just like HIM!  
  
Seto: Yeah.about that..  
  
Bakura: *Says something rather rapidly in Egyptian no one but he and Seth can catch*  
  
Seth: Oh! I got it now!  
  
Ryou: Good. *Turns to face Authoresses* So you decided to keep your promise?  
  
Nat: For our amusement only!  
  
Crissy: Yep! Four completely modernized ancient Egyptian people comin' right up!  
  
Daine and Jewel: *"Escort" hikaris out of room with blowtorches*  
  
Daine: OK, guys, so what do we got?  
  
Jewel: Fireworks, candles, some blowtorches for Daine, some of Pegasus's "Fruit Juice" for everyone, a Katana and some pointy Kendo Sticks for Crissy, Authoress powers for me.and Nat's scary enough, she can just fend for herself.  
  
Nat: *Pouts*  
  
Bakura, Malik, Yami and Seth: *Look on in horror*  
  
Daine: This.is gonna be fun.  
  
Crissy: First item!! *Evilly* The CHAINSAW!!!! *Commercial-ey* Makes lovely garden statues when used correctly! *Big fake smile*  
  
Jewel: Well that's..odd..OK! *Snaps fingers and everyone is suddenly holding a chainsaw*  
  
Daine: Is it.wise.to give them chainsaws already?  
  
Nat: Of course it's not wise! When have we ever done anything that's wise?  
  
Daine: There was that one time..nope, nevermind. I see your point.  
  
Crissy: Don't we need trees or something?  
  
Jewel: Oh yeah..*snaps fingers..again.and again..and again.*  
  
Crissy: It's not working?  
  
Jewel: Yes it is!! Stupid *mumbled garble* WORK!!  
  
Yami, Bakura, Seth, and Malik: Let us try!  
  
Jewel: What the foo?  
  
Yami: Oh come on! You think we can't work magic?  
  
Jewel: Good point..  
  
Bakura: Allow me. *Snaps fingers*  
  
Trees: *Appear*  
  
Crissy: Show off!  
  
Nat: O.K..we really have to fix that..they can't have better powers than us..  
  
Jewel: Good point..*Snaps fingers*  
  
Seth: Yeah, that worked.  
  
Daine: Actually, it did.  
  
Nat: Exactly. You have no more magic.  
  
Crissy: And your millennium items are gone too!  
  
Malik: What did you replace them with??  
  
Authoresses: FOAM!!!  
  
Jewel: Go with the Foam Lovers Of America!  
  
Bakura: *Backs away slowly*  
  
Malik: WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!?!?!  
  
Authoresses: Because it AMUSES us! DUH!  
  
Nat: And we can't have you killing anyone TOO easily.  
  
Daine: Or going after us.  
  
Crissy: So.does anyone actually know how to turn this on?  
  
Jewel: Umm..just kinda fiddle around with it...  
  
Nat and Daine: *Chainsaws already running* You don't know how to turn it on?  
  
Jewel and Crissy: *Suddenly get it* YES!!  
  
Nat: Ok, the general idea is to take this thing and cut down trees..  
  
Crissy: Or trim bushes...  
  
Daine: Or find out if it'll cut thru Yami's hair..  
  
Malik, Bakura, and Seth: ^___________^  
  
Yami: NO WAY!!! YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE NEAR MY HEAD WITH THOSE THINGS!!!  
  
Malik, Bakura, and Seth: *Nod simultaneously, then start up chainsaws*  
  
Nat: This is where the hero has to learn it's not that great to be the only Yami that's on the side of "good."  
  
Crissy: WAIT A MINUTE!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YAMI!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! *Whips out Katana*  
  
Daine: Crissy, really now! They're not gonna mortally wound him..yet..  
  
Jewel: Yeah.he'll be fine..possibly bald, but fine..  
  
Yami: *Looks on in horror*  
  
Bakura, Seth, and Malik: *Laugh evilly*  
  
Crissy: *Frantically tries to save Yami*  
  
Other Authoresses: *Sip some of Pegasus's "Fruit Juice"*  
  
Bakura: *Finally getting around Crissy's Katana* YES!!!! *Swings chainsaw at Yami's hair*  
  
Chainsaw: *Breaks*  
  
Yami's Hair: *Stays intact*  
  
Malik: Pharaoh, what do you put IN that stuff!!??  
  
Yami: Do you really want me to answer that question?  
  
Malik: Erm.no..  
  
Crissy: You mean your hair can't break??  
  
Yami: Not a chance!  
  
Crissy: Oh..I'll just let them chase you then..  
  
Yami: NOOO!!! I mean, of course it can break!!!  
  
Seth and Malik: *Have taken the discussion for the opportunity to sneak around behind Yami and Crissy*  
  
Seth and Malik: *Swing chainsaws simultaneously*  
  
Chainsaws: *Break instantly*  
  
Seth: WHAT?  
  
Malik: THE?  
  
Seth: FOO?  
  
Jewel: You realize that we never actually accomplished what we were supposed to with these, right?  
  
Nat: That's OK.  
  
Daine: Yeah! It provided entertainment! And we WERE supposed to do that!  
  
Crissy: No! We were NOT supposed to attack Yami's hair!  
  
Malik: We weren't?  
  
Bakura: Why not? Seth: I honestly don't know..  
  
Crissy: BECAUSE HE'S THE PHARAOH!!! *Attacks with Katana and Kendo sticks*  
  
Nat: As much fun as that looks..  
  
Daine: Don't even think it.  
  
Jewel: You honestly should not go near Crissy when she's got a Kendo stick.  
  
Daine: *Nodding* It's dangerous.  
  
Crissy: *Somehow has managed in those four lines to knock out Seth, Bakura, and Malik*  
  
Jewel: CRISSY!!! Now we have to wait to get them the next item!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daine: Why do I get the feeling that every chapter is gonna end with them being knocked out?  
  
Jewel: Not EVERYONE got knocked out..  
  
Nat: *Nods, then calmly knocks out Yami*  
  
Crissy: NAT!!!  
  
Nat: What? He MIGHT have just had a little too much fruit juice..right?  
  
Crissy: WRONG!  
  
Jewel: *Over sounds of something crossed between a brawl and a row* PLEASE REVIEW!! GIVE THIS POOR AUTHORESS SOME PRIDE FOR HER WORK!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!!!  
  
So just hit the little button..  
  
You know it's there..  
  
Good..  
  
Now type something in..  
  
Something that doesn't involve flames..  
  
Or..since we now control more than enough of the millennium items...  
  
We will hunt you down..  
  
And -  
  
Crissy: JEWEL!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT!!! *Resumes fighting*  
  
Jewel: Sorry Crissy...my bad.. 


	2. The Toothbrush

LaShana the now Evile, Drunk, and Sugar High Pixie: OMG!! OMG!!! OMG!!! THE EVILE RABID LAWYERS ARE SPREADING!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! Poor Takaehiko9683, SHE WAS ATTACKED!!!  
  
Jewel: So..going on..*Whacks LaShana with a LARGE bamboo stick..stolen from Ethelflaed..* we noticed earlier on that Bakura had been slightly.um..scared of the electric toothbrushes in the disclaimer, so-  
  
Rabid Lawyers: YOU ARE NOT ANNOUNCING THE STORY UNTIL YOU DO A DISCLAIMER!!!  
  
Jewel: You want me to do this AGAIN??? I just did it last chapter!!  
  
Rabid Lawyers: But according to section 37XXX of the statement of the clause for the-  
  
Jewel: Will?  
  
Daine: You?  
  
Nat: Shut?  
  
Crissy: UP???  
  
Rabid Lawyers: No. We don't want to. Deal with it.  
  
LaShana: Before Jewel brings out any more assassination material.  
  
Jewel: *Quickly hides a sniper gun*  
  
Crissy: Didn't she whack you with a large bamboo stick?  
  
LaShana: Rrrghhh..WE DO NOT OWN YUGIOH!!!  
  
Rabid Lawyers: Phooey..*Sink into ground*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Nat: *Talking through cell phone* No, I will NOT sell you 57 liters of Pretty Colors for ninety-eight million dollars!  
  
Mysterious Voice on the Phone: Please?  
  
Nat: No.  
  
Mysterious Voice on the Phone: Why not????  
  
Nat: Because I need to make enough for the rest of us to drink!  
  
Cell Phone Connection: But you'll be WAY too stoned for-  
  
Nat: YOU LIE!!! *Kills connection..literally*  
  
Cell Phone: *While being stepped on* Ow! OW!! PAIN!! PAIN!!! STOP IT!!! *Dies*  
  
Malik, Bakura, and Seth: *Miraculously awake*  
  
Crissy: As interesting as that was...our guests are awake, so we really need to do something...  
  
Daine: OK! ^___^!!  
  
Cast: *Look at Daine oddly*  
  
Nat: Anyway..going on...  
  
Jewel and Crissy: ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSHES!!!  
  
Bakura: *Hides and cowers in the closet (A/N: Why do we HAVE a closet?)* NO!! Those evile things will bring upon us the end of the world! Kill it! KILL IT!!!! *Screams madly as he cowers*  
  
Alenka: *Bursts thru door and strikes pose* I'm HEEEEERE!!!! *Whacks Bakura with an electric toothbrush* *Leaves*  
  
Daine: So since we are playing with-  
  
Vivian: *Appears in cloud of smoke* ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSHES!!!! *Whacks Bakura over the head with a BOX of electric toothbrushes* *Leaves*  
  
Daine: We need to immediately start making Bakura not brushaphobic about them...  
  
Crissy: Brushaphobic? But that could be like, a hairbrush! Or a horse brush! Or a-  
  
Daine: It's a toothbrush.  
  
Nat: Why a toothbrush?  
  
Daine: Because I said so.  
  
Nat: I'm your sister. That doesn't cut it.  
  
Jewel: Technically, we're also her hypothetical/anime sisters..so that doesn't really work either...  
  
Crissy: We can argue about this over the disclaimer...how about right now, we get Bakura to come out of the closet?  
  
Daine: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Bakura: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Nat: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Seth: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Jewel: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Yami: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Bakura: *Realizes what she's said*  
  
Crissy: *Remains oblivious*  
  
Everyone besides Crissy: *Runs to closet and opens door, collapse in laughter*  
  
Bakura: What was that for?  
  
Daine: OK, that'll stop it! *Completely fills closet with electric toothbrushes* Bakura, witness the toothbrushes! Go NOWHERE NEAR THE CLOSET!!!  
  
Bakura: *Slowly backs away from the closet* Why do I have the feeling something just went on that I don't want to know about?  
  
Jewel: Because it did.  
  
Crissy: And we certainly aren't going to tell you...  
  
Seth: Getting back to the point..  
  
Malik: What the heck are these.toothbrushes?  
  
Yami: And why are they electric?  
  
Daine: Basically, they're used to clean your teeth..  
  
Yami: That's rather pointless..we're anime characters..  
  
Jewel: So?  
  
Malik: Have you ever seen an anime character with non white teeth?  
  
Jewel: I suppose not..  
  
Daine: So this whole thing is completely pointless, yes?  
  
Crissy: Probably..  
  
Nat: But..  
  
Malik: We can still have fun making Bakura scared to death of these things!  
  
Yamis: *Turn toothbrushes on*  
  
Nat: OK, so they already knew how to work them..nothing wrong with that...  
  
Bakura: *Starts running around the room screaming bloody murder*  
  
Daine: Can we make him actually scream bloody murder?  
  
Jewel: Sure!  
  
Bakura: BLOODY MURDER!! BLOODY MURDER!!!  
  
Crissy: Wow! It fits right in with him being English and everything!  
  
Yamis: *Still laughing maniacally*  
  
Bakura: *Still running around like a headless chicken*  
  
Jewel: Maniacally is a word?  
  
Daine: Spell check apparently accepts it...  
  
Jewel: OK..  
  
Yamis: *Accidentally trample Nat while STILL laughing maniacally*  
  
Nat: *Suddenly surrounded by fire*  
  
Authoresses: Uh-oh...  
  
Nat: SHUT UP! SIT DOWN!! OR NONE OF YOU ARE COMING NEAR ANY OF MY PRETTY COLORS!!!!!  
  
Yami: What if we don't want to?  
  
Nat: Then we'll all play a wonderful little game..  
  
Digi Destined: *Suddenly appear out of..nowhere* LISTEN TO HER!!! YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY HER GAMES!! IT'S AWFUL!!!!  
  
Bakura: Who are you?  
  
Tai: We're the kids she tortures on a normal basis...  
  
Matt: *Shuddering* Don't let her make up teams, either...it's horrible.  
  
Jun: MATTSY!!!!  
  
Matt: *Runs like..runs..*  
  
Sora: We just got done playing football..  
  
Bakura: That can't be too bad..  
  
Sora: American style...  
  
Daine: *Looks at Nat* And you didn't invite ME???  
  
Nat: *Looks sheepish* Sorry...  
  
Kari: Yeah, it wouldn't have been, but it had to be with them *jerks finger at Matt and Tai* as the cheerleaders..  
  
Cast, authoresses, and Digi Destined: *Shudder*  
  
Jewel: *Looks around* HEY!! You made Bakura stop screaming bloody murder! Cool!  
  
Bakura: Oh yeah...BLOODY MURDER BY TOOTHBRUSHES!!!  
  
Crissy: *Whacks Jewel* You made him remember!!  
  
Tai: Did he say toothbrushes??? *Starts running alongside Bakura* BLOODY MURDER!! BLOODY MURDER!!!  
  
Sora: Oh boy...  
  
Bakura: *Whacks into wall*  
  
Tai: *Whacks into wall*  
  
Bakura and Tai: *Currently unconcious*  
  
Jewel: Do I really want to know?  
  
Nat: No. *Hands out Pretty Colors*  
  
Izzy: Why do they get Pretty Colors and we don't?  
  
Ken: Yeah.four authoresses on Pretty Colors.isn't normally to our advantage..  
  
Crissy: Uh, duh.  
  
TK: I.think we're gonna leave now.  
  
Jewel: Good. I'm having trouble keeping track of you all. Nat, how do you do this???  
  
Nat: It's a gift.  
  
Jewel: Whatever. *Snaps fingers and puts Digi Destined back in Rainbow Stevie's Interview Lady fic. READ IT!!!*  
  
Crissy: OK, ya know what, this is completely fruitless! Let's just bury Bakura in toothbrushes and let him wake up later, K?  
  
Seth: *Immediately does so*  
  
Crissy: Wow..he's.obedient...That's kinda scary..  
  
Seth: I have no idea where I am, how I got here, and all of you have powers that far surpass my own. I'm not a fool..I know when to let myself stay alive.  
  
Crissy: Awww.and such a good liar too!  
  
Daine: I think that was flattery, actually...  
  
Jewel: I dunno what that was, but once again we have to end the fooing chappie because someone was knocked out!  
  
Nat: Can I knock out the rest of them?  
  
Jewel: Umm..we'll see...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jewel: O.K..NOW!  
  
Nat: *Knocks everyone out...including the authoresses*  
  
Nat: Oh crap..Where are you Spazzass???  
  
Spazzass: Pi..Ka..CHU!!!! *Shocks everyone*  
  
Everyone: *Wakes up*  
  
Jewel: SPAZZASS!!!!  
  
Spazzass: Chu?  
  
Jewel: *Runs spastically up to Spazzass and huggles him..spastically...*  
  
Spazzass: Chu..*Winces*  
  
Crissy: Where'd that thing come from?  
  
Daine: Why is Spazzass here?  
  
Crissy: Why was that thing named Spazzass?  
  
Nat: Do you really want to know the answer to that?  
  
Crissy: Um..now that you mention it, no.  
  
Nat: Wise choice.  
  
Jewel: Okay, so people, you DO know what you're supposed to do, right?  
  
Daine: Because we all know you're so smart!  
  
Crissy: That you can click that wonderful little button!  
  
Nat: And review!!  
  
Jewel: *Fire gathering around her* Or..I will have to send Spazzass after you.  
  
Nat: *Shudders* Now that's a little harsh...  
  
Jewel: What?  
  
Nat: Just kidding..  
  
Spazzass: CHU!!!!! 


	3. The Repeated Cries of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Jewel: OMG.I just completely got a great idea for a new chappie so please excuse any mis-spellings, I'm starting to type really, really fast and run on sentences may ensue because I'm also slightly high on all the nice sugar that was fed to me for several weeks on end..  
  
LaShana: Also, please excuse the lack of updates. She's been away at camp, terrorizing young people and eating more sugar and riding Blue (her horse) and then terrorizing people again.  
  
Nat: Can I do the disclaimer? Please?  
  
Daine: Are you.OK Nat? You never say please!  
  
Nat: *Shoots glare at Daine* I..Wanna..Do..The..DISCLAIMER!!!!  
  
Crissy: OK, so since I don't think everyone in the next county heard your glorious opinion...  
  
Daine: *Slightly shell-shocked*  
  
Crissy: *Gulp* I believe we'll let you do the disclaimer.  
  
Nat: ^_^ Good. *Louder than before* JEWEL DOES NOT OWN YUGIOH, COSMETICS, OR ANY OTHER KIND OF ALREADY COPYRIGHTED THINGS IN THIS FICCY!!!  
  
Cody (Mysteriously appearing from Rainbow Stevie's ficcy): Nat!! You've finally seen the light!! *Hugs Nat*  
  
Nat: *Being hugged* O.M.G..GET THE CREEP OFF OF ME!!  
  
Jewel: I am so thoroughly enjoying this..  
  
Crissy: Me too.  
  
Daine: Me three.  
  
Cody: And now, Nat, I can teach you why Grandfather is always right and -  
  
Nat's Fist: *Makes contact with Cody's mouth*  
  
Cody: Nat!! That HURT!!  
  
Nat: What did you EXPECT? *Grabs Cody's kendo stick and whacks him repeatedly over the head with it* Don't! You! Ever! Hug! Me! In! Public! Ever! Again!  
  
Daine: *Smiling wolfishly* So he can hug you when he's not in public, Nat?  
  
Nat: *Pauses*  
  
Rest of cast and two authoresses: *Cower in fear*  
  
Nat: *Turns slowly around, glaring daggers at Daine*  
  
Daine: *Runs for dear life*  
  
Nat: DAINE YOU LITTLE *Words not appropriate for rating* GET BACK HERE OR I'M GONNA-  
  
Screen: *Blanks out to reveal lettering that says: DUE TO RATING ON NAT'S LANGUAGE THIS FIC HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED*  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Jewel: *Tears down screen* THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE DISCONTINUING MY FIC BECAUSE OF NAT'S LANGUAGE!!  
  
Nat: Hehehe.oops.  
  
Crissy: *Whacks Nat*  
  
Bakura: Why are the authoresses so dangerous?  
  
Yami: If we knew that..we'd be really, really good.  
  
Daine: Guys? Yeah, hi, here's a new concept: WE LIKE BEING DESTRUCTIVE!!!  
  
Seth: Really?  
  
Jewel: *Whacks Seth because he's being stupid* Duh.  
  
Seth: *On floor, momentarily unconcious*  
  
Jewel: *Tramples Seth in high heels on her way to more pretty colors*  
  
Seth: OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!  
  
Crissy: You are such a wimp.  
  
Seth: *Jumps up and proceeds to break the heel's off of Jewel's shoes*  
  
Bakura: Hey! That's a good idea! Take out their weapons!!  
  
Bakura: *Does the same for Nat*  
  
Yami: *Does the same for Crissy*  
  
Malik: *Does the same for Daine*  
  
Malik: HA!! Guys look what I found!!  
  
Yami: What?  
  
Malik: THE ENTIRE CLOSET FULL OF SHOES!!  
  
YGO Cast: *Grins evilly*  
  
Authoresses: *Look on in horror as their shoes are ruined*  
  
Crissy: *Anger mark growing*  
  
Daine: *Anger mark growing*  
  
Nat: *Anger mark growing*  
  
Jewel: *Anger mark exploding* THAT'S IT!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!! YOU GUYS ARE GETTING THE ULTIMATE TORTURE!!!  
  
Crissy: You're not..not..  
  
Daine: *Slightly oblivious* She's not what? *Lightbulb finally turns on* Hehehehe...*Grins evilly*  
  
Nat: What the foo?  
  
Jewel: *Snaps fingers*  
  
Mai: *Appears from nowhere*  
  
Jewel, Crissy, & Daine: Sissy!!  
  
Mai: Oh God what now?  
  
Crissy: *Grins evilly* Can you help us with something?  
  
Daine: *Equal evil grin* We have ourselves a little..problem.  
  
Jewel: *How do you think she's grinning?* With some rather unruly guys..  
  
Mai: *She's our sister..you figure out the facial expression!* Deal! But you didn't give me any supplies.. I'll need some blush and nail polish and toe polish and *drones on and on*  
  
Yami: *Has long since paled at the sight of Mai*  
  
Bakura: Umm..pharaoh..are you alright?  
  
Seth: And who's the monstrosity over there?  
  
Malik: Haven't I seen her before?  
  
Yami: She's.she's..guys..we're dead..  
  
Bakura: *Realizing the PHARAOH is scared* Umm...O.K.  
  
Crissy: *Getting bored of Mai's rambling* MAI!!  
  
Mai: *Doesn't hear*  
  
Crissy: MAI!!  
  
Mai: What?  
  
Crissy: You realize we have a closet with all that crap in it, right?  
  
Mai: I don't think one closet will hold it all..  
  
Daine: It's a REALLY big closet..  
  
Jewel: Seriously.It's like a house, more than a closet..  
  
Mai: Umm..O...K.If you're sure..  
  
Nat: *Walks over to door* *Opens door* Is that enough?  
  
Mai: *In shock* I gotta get me one of these..  
  
Jewel: So.ya like it?  
  
Mai: *Jumps into pile of cosmetics* YES!!!  
  
Bakura: Wait...I think I just got it..  
  
Yami: Good for you tomb robber..you've found yourself a brain.  
  
Malik: I don't even know what half that stuff is!  
  
Seth: (Foolish, foolish guy) *Walks over to pile of stuff* Hey.. *Starts digging through pile of stuff* IT'S ALL SPARKLY!!  
  
YGO Cast: *Sweatdrop. BIIIIIIIIIG Sweatdrop.*  
  
Mai: Good! You can be our first test subject!  
  
Yami: *Running around the walls of the room, trying to find an exit* WHY CAN'T I ESCAPE THE INSANITY???  
  
Malik: *Pulls Yami into a conveniently placed barbers' chair* Hehehehe.HEY MAI!! WE'VE GOT OUR FIRST VICTIM OVER HERE!!  
  
Bakura: *Quickly finds button that permanently binds Yami to chair*  
  
Authoresses and Mai: *Slowly turn around, identical evil grins on their faces*  
  
Mai: Let's go girls.  
  
Malik: At least we made it out of that.  
  
Jewel: Aww..we couldn't forget you! *Snaps fingers*  
  
3 Barbers' Chairs complete with Binders: *Appear and bind Bakura, Seth, and Malik*  
  
Bakura: You just had to jinx it, didn't you Malik?  
  
Yami: No.NO..NOOOOOOOO!!! NOT THE GLITTER!!!  
  
Seth: What's glitter?  
  
Crissy: THIS!! *Proceeds to spread glitter*  
  
Seth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Malik: *Cringes*  
  
Bakura: *Cringes more*  
  
Daine: How long to you bet it takes to make them beg for mercy?  
  
Jewel: I give them..10 minutes..  
  
Daine: Nah.I give them 5.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
71/2 Minutes Later:  
  
YGO Cast: MMMMMEEEERRRRRCCCCYYYY!!!!  
  
Bakura: We'll give you anything you want!! Anything!!  
  
Malik: No we-  
  
Yami: Anything at all!!  
  
Seth: Spare us!!  
  
Nat: *Huggles Bakura* But you're so ca-ute in glitter!!  
  
Bakura: Can't..breathe...  
  
Nat: *Huggles harder while painting Bakura's nails*  
  
Jewel: *Applying blue mascara to Seth* Look! It matches your eyes!! *Puts mirror in Seth's face*  
  
Seth: *Refuses to open eyes*  
  
Jewel: Rrrghh..*Tapes Seth's eyes open*  
  
Seth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Crissy: *Putting green eye shadow on poor Yami* Wow, that's becoming a reoccurring battle cry...Yami you are SUCH a warm tone!!  
  
Yami: So.do you have any plans of letting us go?  
  
Daine: Not at the moment..  
  
Malik: Why the foo not?  
  
Daine: Because I said so! *Puts lip gloss on Malik*  
  
Malik: *Licks lips* *Gags* Ewww..what is IN that stuff?  
  
Nat: Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question?  
  
Malik: Umm..yes?  
  
Daine: No you don't.  
  
Malik: Yes I do.  
  
Daine: NO YOU DON'T.  
  
Malik: YES I DO!!  
  
Jewel: WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING???  
  
Daine and Malik: BECAUSE WE WANT TO!!!  
  
Jewel: Sheesh, just asking a question..  
  
Crissy: GUYS!! I FOUND THE AUTOMATIC BRAIDING THINGAMAJIGS!!!  
  
Authoresses: Ooohh! Aaaah!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
Yugi: I wonder how poor Yami's faring with those authoresses.  
  
Ryou: Yeah, I mean, they could be in real trouble!  
  
Marik: Isn't that kinda why we sent them there? So they wouldn't get into trouble here?  
  
Seto: *Mysteriously appears for sake of the fic* And who was that guy anyway? The one that looked like me?  
  
Yugi: Umm..well, ya see..*Dives into explanation with help of Ryou and Marik*  
  
~~~~2 hours later~~~~  
  
Seto: So..He *points to Yugi* has an ancient spirit living inside him that's a pharaoh, he *points to Marik* has one that wants to rule the world, and he *points to Ryou* has one that was a tomb robber and wants to kill said pharaoh?  
  
Marik: Actually, I think my darker side wants to kill the pharaoh as well, but yeah, that's..pretty much it.  
  
Seto: OK. I'm seriously confused now.  
  
Ryou: So am I, Kaiba, so am I.  
  
Mysterious Box: *Lands in front of them from sky*  
  
Mysterious Box's Label: HI GUYS!! THIS IS FROM THE OH-SO-FRIENDLY AUTHORESSES YOU LEFT YOUR YAMIS WITH!! IF YOU WANNA SEE WHAT WONDERFUL TORTURES HAVE BEEN DEVISED FOR THEM, PLEASE OPEN THE BOX!  
  
Seto, Ryou, Marik, and Yugi: *Dive on box and rip it open*  
  
Fun little holographic system inside of box: *Has picture of all yami's getting their nails painted*  
  
Holograpic Yami, Bakura, Malik, and Seth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi, Ryou, Seto, and Marik: *Pale*  
  
Yugi: We HAVE to save them.  
  
Ryou, Seto, and Marik: *Nod in agreement*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jewel: Ooooh!! Gosh I just LOVE cliffies!! They're so FUN!!  
  
Crissy: Umm..how much sugar have you had today?  
  
Daine: I think it was the pretty colors.  
  
Nat: I think she got high off the nail polish.  
  
Jewel: I AM NOT HIGH OFF NAILPOLISH!!! Anyway, now you all know that yes, I do exist, and yes, I do update, and yes, I am crazy, and yes, we have 4 very GIRLY looking yamis at hand.  
  
Crissy: Guys, seriously, this is just indignant.  
  
Daine: DID YOU FORGET WHAT HE DID TO YOUR SHOE??  
  
Crissy: *Gasps* I DID. I am SUCH a horrible person. *Goes to mourn destroyed shoes*  
  
Nat: And let this be a lesson to you!  
  
Jewel: DO NOT MESS WITH A VALENTINE SISTER'S CLOTHING. ESPECIALLY HER SHOES!!  
  
Daine: Anyhow..READ AND REVIEW PEOPLE!!  
  
LaShana: Jewel wants to see that she's still loved.  
  
Jewel: And since I've never gotten to do responses before..here goes!  
  
Takaehiko9683: YAY!! You reviewed!! And see, we found out what was wrong with the electric toothbrush!  
  
Natalie Larson: Hehehehe..Isn't it so completely totally fun!? *Smacks herself* I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE PRETTY COLORS UNTIL YOU WARNED ME!!!  
  
Speaking of which:  
  
Authoresses: *Singing*  
  
Pretty Colors!  
  
Oh We Love You!  
  
We Can't Remember  
  
What Rhymes With You!  
  
Except That We Love YOU!!  
  
JJCrimson: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!! SOMEONE REVIEWED AND I DIDN'T FORCE THEM INTO IT!! HOW COMPLETELY COOL IS THAT????  
  
GothRabbit: Hi Aundaine! Why are you reviewing..again? Seriously now! And trust me, I already have a list that'll go over like, 40 chapters, but I've gotta have SOME sort of plot, right? Sure, that sounds good!  
  
Of course LaShana is the pixie you gave me. She's so cute too!!  
  
Um...I don't really know the answer to the Spazzass question..why don't you ask the cute little rat himself? I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you..if you can understand him..*Huggles Spazzass* 


	4. Kaibaku and Mokuba

LaShana: And now..A special thanks to...  
  
Angelbrite: Really? You think it's funny? Wow!! I feel so..so..LOVED!!!!  
  
Takaehiko9683: I know! We should really buy one, shouldn't we?  
  
Princess Minamino: Oooh...uber cool name! Yep, it's funny! That's why list it in the HUMOR section!! Happiness!!  
  
JJCrimson: Gosh, I swear you are my most loyal reviewer! Kudos to you! No, you're not...spastic..just kinda...oh what the heck, of course you're spastic!! BEING SPASTIC IS A GOOD THING!!!  
  
Hedi Dracona: I'm posting, I'm posting!!  
  
Gothangel13: No kidding..They'll be all right in the end, though.  
  
Beccamabobbers: Wow, you read it all AND reviewed. YAY!!!!!  
  
Jewel: Oh yes!! I grant Beccamabobbers a purdy colors SPARKLY makeover!! Just because she asked! ^_^! And I give all the rest of you reviewers purdy colors!! Aren't you happy now? Good!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~/////////////~~~~~~~~~~///////////~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jewel: Wow, that was a REALLY long first part, wasn't it? Cool! Look at all the pretty reviews!!  
  
Crissy: Jewel, what are you ON?  
  
Daine: NO!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK ME THAT!!  
  
Nat: Alright, fine, what are YOU on, Daine?  
  
Daine: Glad you asked!  
  
Jewel: Nat? Why would you do that?  
  
Nat: 'Cause it's amusing!  
  
Daine: *Ticks off on fingers* Windex, buttered toast, foam, pretty colors-  
  
Nat: Well that one was obvious...  
  
Daine: *Still continuing* Wait!! I'm gonna run out of appendages!!!  
  
Jewel: Alright, while she keeps that up...  
  
Daine: Crissy!! Can I borrow your hand?  
  
Crissy: NO!  
  
Daine: *Chases Crissy, trying to use her hand to number off more drugs*  
  
Jewel: We'll just start the ficcy now, OK?  
  
Audience: OK!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~/////////////~~~~~~~~~~////////////  
  
Seth: What do you MEAN???? You need to do a disclaimer!!  
  
Crissy: Hehehehehe.oops...  
  
Jewel: Dang it!! I almost got away with it, too!!!  
  
Daine: We almost owned you!!!  
  
Nat: But no such luck...  
  
Yami: NONE OF THESE AUTHORESSES OWN YUGIOH!!!!  
  
Jewel: We don't?  
  
Bakura: No.  
  
Crissy: Why NOT?  
  
Malik: Because I said so.  
  
Crissy: That's not a very good reason...  
  
LaShana: ANYWAYS...  
  
Malik = Yami Marik  
  
Yami = Yami Yugi  
  
Bakura = Yami Bakura  
  
Seth = Ancient priest dude  
  
Marik = Hikari  
  
Yugi = Hikari  
  
Ryou = Hikari  
  
Seto = Present day Seto Kaiba  
  
I'm sorry you're still confused, Beccamabobbers, but that's the way the cookies crumble..oooohh..cookies...  
  
~~~~~~///////////~~~~~~~~~~~////////////~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Last time: (For those of you who forgot..)  
  
Seto, Ryou, Marik, and Yugi: *Dive on box and rip it open*  
  
Fun little holographic system inside of box: *Has picture of all yami's getting their nails painted*  
  
Holograpic Yami, Bakura, Malik, and Seth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi, Ryou, Seto, and Marik: *Pale*  
  
Yugi: We HAVE to save them.  
  
Ryou, Seto, and Marik: *Nod in agreement*  
  
~~~~~~~~/////////~~~~~~~~~~///////////~~~~~~~~~  
  
Seth: *Peering into mirror* This is TOTALLY indignant.  
  
Bakura: Actually, you look kinda pretty..  
  
Crissy: *Whacks Bakura over the head* THERE WILL BE NO KAIBAKU IN THIS FICCY!!!  
  
Bakura: OK, OK, fine... Wait, what IS Kaibaku?  
  
Crissy, Daine and Nat: *Sniggering uncontrollably*  
  
Jewel: *Also sniggering* Umm.It's..umm..Someone out there on the web decided to stick your name and Kaiba's name together..and..um...well...  
  
Daine: *Holds up a rather nasty picture of Kaiba and a rather girly looking Bakura kissing* And this happened...  
  
Seth and Bakura: *Jump to opposite corners of the room* EEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!!!!  
  
Yami: Now that's just gross...  
  
Malik: Honestly, people! *Rips up photo*  
  
Yami: *Looks to both corners of the room and begins laughing hysterically*  
  
Malik: Umm.Yami? You OK?  
  
Yami: Oh Ra!! A high priest and a grave robber!!  
  
Malik: He's not even worried that it's two guys...  
  
Yami: No, no. NO! Ew..NO! I'm a bit past that..Since it would obviously NEVER happen...Just..EW! NO! NO!!!!!  
  
Jewel: Now THIS is an interesting conversation...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Nat: HEY!! Who's the person announcing 'meanwhile'?  
  
Crissy: Nat, shush!  
  
Nat: NO! I wanna say meanwhile!!  
  
Jewel: OK, OK..sheesh...  
  
Nat: Meanwhile...  
  
~~~~~/////////~~~~~~~~~////////~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yugi: Umm..Seto? WHY do you have all this stuff?  
  
Seto: Yugi, how many fanfics have you been in?  
  
Yugi: Too many.  
  
Seto: OK then. And how many have sported destructive objects?  
  
Yugi: Again, too many.  
  
Ryou: And yet, you NEVER thought of stealing them? Weird.  
  
Marik: Anyway, Seto worked out a deal with Malik and Bakura that whatever show they went to, they'd steal at least ONE item of mass destruction, then they'd all stockpile those things here.  
  
Yugi: Yeah, but how does all this stuff FIT?  
  
Ryou: Oh, that...  
  
Marik: Well, you see..we went to this Hogwarts fanfic and stole one of the wizards so all this stuff will fit in here with ease!  
  
Yugi: What happened to the wizard?  
  
Seto: Oh..umm...well...  
  
Door of closet on right: *Is suddenly kicked open by random wizard dude*  
  
Wizard dude: *Tied to chair* Aad;sofjkasdlk aosiudflaksjdf aosif aineiads isdnfoisdf!!!! ((Translation: I'M RIGHT HERE YOU MORONS!!!))  
  
Yugi: O.o Alright then.  
  
Seto: Do you want to rescue your Yami or not? Besides, how do you think my company comes up with all the newest inventions?  
  
Yugi: Alright, alright already!!  
  
Ryou and Marik: Oooohh!! Shiny guns!!!  
  
Seto: -.-'  
  
Ryou: Oh come ON. So our yamis rubbed off on us a little!!  
  
Yugi: A LITTLE???  
  
Marik: OK, a lot.  
  
Seto: Shut up and pass me something from the thingamajig pile.  
  
Ryou: WHY haven't we come up with a better name for those?  
  
Marik: I'm still getting over Seto Kaiba saying the word 'thingamajig'.  
  
Yugi: I will NEVER understand you people that have been on the side of evil.  
  
Marik: We know. It's just too fun confusing you.  
  
Ryou: You could always go evil yourself...  
  
Yugi: No.  
  
Seto: Why not?  
  
Yugi: No.  
  
Seto: It's FUN! I swear it!  
  
Yugi: No.  
  
Ryou: Guys! Trying to do something here!!  
  
Seto: Foo on you.  
  
~~~~~~~///////////~~~~~~~~~~///////////  
  
Crissy: Guys? You can come BACK to the center of the room now.  
  
Seth: No, really, that's alright.  
  
Daine: Are you sure?  
  
Bakura: No, we're fine.  
  
Nat: This is turning into another Matt and Tai story...weird.  
  
Daine: NO TEAM GAMES, Nat.  
  
Nat: Why NOT?  
  
Jewel: I sensing a new twist in the story, people!  
  
Crissy: Really? Like what?  
  
Jewel: I have no idea...  
  
Crissy: Well, let's think..who could be coming after us?  
  
Jewel: Crissy, that's a rather longish list.  
  
Daine: Who could be coming after us that knows where we are and isn't already dead or in a mental institution?  
  
Nat: That only shortens it by about 500 people..  
  
Jewel: Uh, DUH. Guys? Hikari's!!!  
  
Crissy: Crap.  
  
Daine: Shiiiiiii..amrock!  
  
Nat: What was that?  
  
Daine: I'm trying to cut down on the swearing.  
  
Yami: So our hikaris will rescue us?  
  
Crissy: That's HIGHLY unlikely.  
  
Bakura: So our hikaris will try to rescue us and die in the attempt?  
  
Crissy: Well, they might not DIE...  
  
Daine: Just get thwacked with my shoes..  
  
Jewel: I swear, those things are DANGEROUS.  
  
Nat: Um..guys? What's with the helicopter?  
  
Jewel: I didn't order pizza...  
  
Nat: Do you NORMALLY order pizza by aircraft?  
  
Jewel: Yes, actually, or I just snap my fingers and it appears..whatever works!  
  
Crissy: Returning to the REAL problem!  
  
Nat: Which would be..?  
  
Daine: How about the mongo helicopter hovering over our heads?  
  
Crissy: Umm.Nat? Isn't that the helicopter from Interview Lady #6?  
  
Nat: Yeah..how'd they get a hold of it?  
  
4 Hikaris: *Jump out of plane*  
  
Seto: *As falling* Wouldn't you like to- *Whacks head on ground*  
  
Yugi: WHY didn't you use the rope?  
  
Seto: Shut up.  
  
Marik: *Snapping pictures* Blackmail for life!  
  
Ryou: OH! Can I have copies of those?  
  
Marik: You betchya!  
  
Crissy: *Happily* Oh look, we're being invaded!  
  
Jewel and Daine: YAY!  
  
Seto: WHY are you people HAPPY about being invaded?  
  
Nat: Because we've been having an ongoing debate about this! *Holds up previously mentioned Kaibaku picture*  
  
Bakura: NO!! MY EYES!!!!!!  
  
Ryou: Ewwww...  
  
Seto: WHERE did you get that? That's..that's..  
  
Yugi: MOKUBA'S ARTWORK!!!  
  
Seto: Whosawhatits?  
  
Yugi: Wow! When the wind whistles, it makes it sound JUST LIKE human voices, doesn't it, Kaiba?  
  
Bakura: Yugi? You KNOW who's the source of all this??  
  
Ryou: Who is this..Mokuba?  
  
Seto: Well, if he's speaking correctly, that would be my little brother.  
  
Seth: Your little brother did this to you?  
  
Seto: Apparently so.  
  
Marik: Yugi? How do you KNOW this?  
  
Yugi: Oh, well, a while back, I was got caught in a virtual game with Mokuba, and..well..we had a LOT of downtime, so we starting discussing hobbies..and..it seems your little brother is QUITE the artist, Kaiba.  
  
Seto: I'll kill him.  
  
Malik: OK, NOW can we have our millennium items back?  
  
Crissy: Umm.why?  
  
Bakura: So we can..visit..Mokuba.  
  
Nat: We're NOT giving you your weapons, even in extreme cases.  
  
Daine: Besides, I wanna try out the millennium rod!  
  
~~~~/////////~~~~~~~~////////  
  
Nat: Dun Dun DUUUUUUUN!!  
  
Jewel: Wow, so if anyone hasn't figured out that I'm not a huge fan of Yaoi/Yuri, this'd be the time. It's not that I'm against it in real life, it's just that this is one of those shows that it would NEVER HAPPEN, people.  
  
Crissy: This is worse than the water balloon incident.  
  
Daine: Wait, who FOUND that picture in the first place?  
  
Jewel: It was either you or one of the Rachels...I can't remember anymore..it might have even been Crissy...  
  
LaShana: Why is no one even knocked out?  
  
Nat: Because we're all decked out in weapons...or will soon be!  
  
LaShana: O.K then... Anyway, thanks to those who reviewed! And the ones who left signed reviews are...! *Drumroll*  
  
Takaehiko9683!  
  
JJCrimson!  
  
Hedi Dracona!  
  
Gothangel13!  
  
Beccamabobbers!!  
  
Now go read their stories!!!  
  
Right after you all review and make these authoresses feel warm and fuzzy inside! YAY!! 


	5. Helicopters and Lasers

LaShana: OK...since Jewel has officially been IGNORING this fic....  
  
Jewel: I WAS NOT IGNORING IT!!! I seriously had.... umm...homework????  
  
LaShana: Yeah....suuuuuuuuuuuure.  
  
Jewel: It's TRUE!!! *Grumbles vehement swearwords at the Communications teacher for making her do a stupid series of reports on Anastasia because she didn't do ONE D*** THING!!!*  
  
LaShana: That was interesting.  
  
Jewel: Yeah, well....whateva! Let's give a huge hand toooooooooooo...............THE REVIEWERS!!!  
  
JJCrimson: Fat middle-aged guy in a sailor moon outfit? WHY????? Why would anyone DO that????  
  
Takaehiko9683: You realize I STILL have to copy paste your name because I can't remember it? And yes, we have a thingamajig pile! Ain't it purdy? And I think that that proves that I am psychic, not you. Or I just spend WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much time around you in school.  
  
TheHikariWhoLovesBishis: *Blows up anyway* Yeah...I'm just pokable. Ask Takaehiko. She pokes me all day....and does the whole run up and run away thing too. Wow....that sounded a lot straighter in my head. Oh well. Still better than her "I'm going to BITE you!" speech.  
  
gothangel13: Wow! Applause!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!! Wait....oh, WEIRD, you have the same b-day as my worst enemy. I like the whole "Blows smurf and sux eggs" thing too!  
  
PenPusherM: Hey!! You're (briefly) online! Yay Melly!!! Umm...we'll see.....Why don't you just Flom Rob, Alex, and anyone else who gets near you tomorrow and we'll call it even?  
  
Of COURSE I'm more famous than YOU, Crissy! *Starts singing the Roxie song* But you're the one who got all the anonymous death threats!  
  
LadyKatsu: Hiya Ray!!! I STILL think you were skippin' school on Friday!!  
  
Dew-Shan of Egypt: I AM updating. So...erm....glad....I made you almost throw up!! Of COURSE sugar is nice!! It's the nicest thing in the world!!!  
  
LaShana: You have an entire page of reviews!!  
  
Jewel: O....My....Gosh....I do......*Squeals* COOL!!! And I will, for lack of inspiration, do the disclaimer right here. WEEVIL, GET OUT HERE!!!!  
  
Weevil: She does not own Yugioh.  
  
Jewel: Very good. Now, for the other reason you're here! Melly!!!  
  
PenPusherM: *Floms Weevil*  
  
Weevil: *Runs offstage, clutching his...um....family jewels*  
  
Jewel: Happy?  
  
PenPusherM: Very.  
  
Jewel: ^_^ Good!! On to the fic!!!  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@  
  
Malik = Yami Marik  
  
Yami = Yami Yugi  
  
Bakura = Yami Bakura  
  
Seth = Ancient priest dude  
  
Marik = Hikari  
  
Yugi = Hikari  
  
Ryou = Hikari  
  
Seto = Present day Seto Kaiba  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@  
  
Seto: NO!  
  
Crissy: YES!!  
  
Seto: NO!!  
  
Crissy: We are using the helicopter whether you like it or not.  
  
Seto: You are most certainly not!!  
  
Crissy: Daine!  
  
Daine: *Waves around Millennium Rod and a tube of lipstick* Alright Seto, we can do this the easy way *waves Millennium Rod* or we can do this the HARD way *waves tube of lipstick*  
  
Crissy: Or we can do this the REALLY easy way and you can just let us use the helicopter.  
  
Yami's: *All looking horrified*  
  
Bakura: Dude....choose one of the easy ways.  
  
Seto: I am NOT letting you all in my helicopter.  
  
Seth: He chooses the easy way.  
  
Daine: Which one?  
  
Seto: I AM NOT LETTING YOU IN MY HELICOPTER!!!!!!!  
  
Daine: Oh! That one! Malik, how do you work this thing?  
  
Malik: Why should I tell you?  
  
Daine: Because you're special?  
  
Malik: No. Not good enough.  
  
Daine: Rrrghhhh.....*Points Rod at Seto* Alright, let's try this!  
  
Seto: *Freaky glow ensues, pupils disappear* You...can....use....the....helicopter......*Mysteriously collapses*  
  
Bakura: Oh! Can you get his credit card?  
  
Seto: *Mysteriously awakens* No you cannot!!  
  
*Meanwhile on the other side of the mysterious room of mysterious fits of unconsciousness*  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@  
  
Yugi: So...how are we actually going to FIND Mokuba in Kaiba mansion?  
  
Nat: Ermm......  
  
Jewel: Good question.  
  
Ryou: Will this work? *Holds up handy dandy laptop*  
  
Yami: Ra save us! What is THAT?  
  
Marik: You guys haven't even gotten to computers yet?  
  
Jewel: HEY! We had a long ordeal over electric toothbrushes!  
  
Ryou: You didn't make Bakura go near them, did you?  
  
Nat: We TRIED.  
  
Ryou: That was not wise of you.  
  
Nat: Silence, insubordinate fool.  
  
Jewel: That was good.  
  
Nat: *Bows*  
  
Yugi: So how did you GET that, anyway?  
  
Ryou: *Shrugs* Bakura's been teaching me how to get things without asking.  
  
Yugi: You stole it from Kaiba, didn't you?  
  
Ryou: Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.  
  
Yugi: You DID steal it! And stole a line from Harry Potter!  
  
Ryou: -.-" That was SUPPOSED to be kept secret.  
  
Yugi: Then why did you steal it?  
  
Nat: STOP WITH THE BATTLE OF MORALES!!!!  
  
Jewel: You mean morals, right?  
  
Nat: What?  
  
Jewel: -.-" Nevermind.  
  
Crissy: HEY!! We got him to say yes!!!  
  
Jewel: Do I want to know how?  
  
Daine: Probably not. But you can have this. I got a bunch of everybody's memories when I blasted him with it and I DON'T WANT ANYMORE.  
  
Jewel: You're giving up something that looks like a double bladed axe? How bad WERE those memories?  
  
Daine: Ever heard the song "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"?  
  
Jewel: Yes.  
  
Daine: Ever wondered what Yami does in his free time?  
  
Crissy: Oh!! OH!! I have!!!!  
  
Jewel: *Looks at Yami* I didn't need to know that.  
  
Bakura: *Sniggering* There were dance steps too.  
  
Daine: *Shudders* Shut up, Chicago boy.  
  
Nat: Chicago? *Glances at Bakura* You?  
  
Daine: *Nodding* Two words: Roxie songs.  
  
Nat: *Looks at Bakura strangely* I can....actually see you in that dress.  
  
Rest of Cast: DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@  
  
Jewel: Ahem. Breaking in with the words to The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.  
  
In the middle of the earth  
  
In the land of the Shire  
  
Lives a brave little hobbit  
  
Who we all admire  
  
With his long wooden pipe  
  
Fuzzy woolly toes  
  
He lives in a hobbit hole  
  
And everybody knows him  
  
Chorus: Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins  
  
He's only three feet tall  
  
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins  
  
The bravest little hobbit of them all  
  
Now hobbits are peace lovin' folks ya know  
  
They're never in a hurry and they take things slow  
  
They don't like to travel away from home  
  
They just like to eat and be left alone  
  
But one day Bilbo was asked to go  
  
On a big adventure to the caves below  
  
To help some dwarves get back their gold  
  
That was stolen by a dragon in the days of old  
  
Chorus  
  
Etc. Etc......and it kinda goes on like that for a while. And it's all sung by this creepy old dude only to be broken up by high, squeaky voices on the second shouts of "Bilbo" in the chorus. Makes for a very good song while riding on the back of a float in the homecoming parade. Sorry to make you all read that. If you didn't, oh well. You missed out on a cute song!  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@  
  
Yugi: OK, Yami, this is the internet.  
  
Yami: I see no net. *Peers behind computer* Where IS it?  
  
Bakura: Can you catch things in it?  
  
Crissy: Well, you can kind of trap yourself in it, if you really wanted to.  
  
Malik: So.....you CAN'T cause destruction with it?  
  
Daine: Oh, you certainly can.  
  
Seto: Observe. If you hack into this satellite.....  
  
Jewel: What is WITH you and hacking into satellites?  
  
Seto: *Shrugging* Got to have SOMETHING to occupy my free time. Anyway! If you hack into this one, then connect it with the laser –  
  
Daine: NO LASERS.  
  
Seto: *Ignores her, grinning evilly* Then you can blast just about anything.  
  
Seth: So what happens if I press this button?  
  
Laser: *Mysteriously activates and blows up remainder of sparkly make-up*  
  
Yamis: Oooooooooh!!!  
  
Yami: I get it now!!  
  
Jewel: OK, guys, who DIDN'T see that coming?  
  
Crissy: Me!!  
  
Jewel: -.-" You are no help.  
  
Yamis: *Have now stolen the computer*  
  
Bakura: What's THAT?  
  
Yami: *Reading* This program has preformed an illegal error and will now be shut down? Malik, what did you DO?  
  
Malik: I wasn't doing anything illegal! Honestly!  
  
Bakura: *Snorts* Speak for yourself.  
  
Seth: What are these bookmarks?  
  
Yami: Hey! Yugi! There's one named after you!  
  
Yugi: Yugioh fanfiction? What the.......? *Clicks on Random link labeled 'Season Nitpicks*  
  
Malik: *Reads aloud*  
  
*Is Yugi a boxer, brief, Hanes, or a thong guy?  
  
Joey?  
  
Tristan?  
  
Pegasus?  
  
Mokuba?  
  
Kaiba?  
  
Does Kaiba even wear underwear?  
  
Yami?  
  
What about Te`a?  
  
(We all know Mai is the last one.)  
  
Yugi: They're discussing my UNDERWEAR preference????  
  
Jewel: Oh good, he hit on a mild fic.  
  
Yugi: That's MILD???  
  
Crissy: Well, you could have searched under Romance.  
  
Everyone: *Shudder. BIIIIIIG shudder*  
  
Kaiba: *Swipes computer back* That's enough, kids.  
  
Yugi: HEY!!  
  
Yami: Just because he's short......  
  
Kaiba: Oh, shut it. Are you all coming or not?  
  
Bakura: Dow we actually have a choice?  
  
Nat: No.  
  
Ryou: Well, that basically settles the issue then, doesn't it?  
  
Nat: Yes. Now, get it the stupid helicopter before I chase you in with a cattle prod.  
  
Kaiba: DON'T INSULT THE MACHINERY!  
  
Nat: It let you fall face first on the ground, remember?  
  
Kaiba: EVERYONE IN THE *Large beeping noise* HELICOPTER!  
  
Jewel: Oh, that was just lovely. And Nat! Your beeping machine is working again!  
  
Nat: Yeah....apparently if you swear at the actual machine, it beeps better.  
  
Crissy: Oh yes. We had muchly muchly fun with that.  
  
Daine: You just said muchly. Twice. Are you feeling OK?  
  
Crissy: We're all on pretty colors. What do you think?  
  
Daine: *Winces* Nevermind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~Inside the lovely helicopter of doom~  
  
Malik: Are we there yet?  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Daine: Are we there yet?  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Daine: Would you prefer I sing 'I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves'?  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Crissy: Is that all he says?  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Jewel: I think he just likes contradicting people.....  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Marik: I think it's a tape recorder!  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Yugi: Umm....guys? Are we SUPPOSED to be heading towards the ground?  
  
Everyone: NO!  
  
Engine: *Dies*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yes, people, I do live.....I totally forgot about this! Seriously, we switched computers ( I GOT A NEW ONE!!! *Hugs new computer*) and LOST THE FOOING FILE!!! And recently found it again, thankfully.  
  
OMG, this is all from....NOVEMBER????  
  
You must all hate me!! And not remember the plot!!! Oh well....I'm terribly sorry! *Dodges flaming pitchforks*  
  
But you still want to read and review, right?  
  
RIGHT?  
  
Oh! And as a side note, the fanfiction they found is real – I helped write it last year.....it just recently found it's way to fanfiction on Takaehiko9683's name, so it's rather outdated.....actually, most of the questions are answered, but it's still fun to read out stupidity!!!! 


End file.
